They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
