Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I am naked and annoyed.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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