My first STD was from a foam party
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
