If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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