At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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