can we get nightvision for the apartment?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
being pregnant is like rehab
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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