So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
