i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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