Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
