Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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