I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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