You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
