We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
