Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
this boner is exhausting
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
