How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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