Where is the hickey?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
