I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
His hands were made for my vagina.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
