I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
