We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
