He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
