she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm really busy with my period
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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