He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
