make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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