mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
