I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
