Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize