your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
