I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
