dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
