Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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