I looked at my own cervix.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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