My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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