I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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