we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize