I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
