I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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