They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
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