i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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