I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
