I need to stop coming to work sober
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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