i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
