Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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