i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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