I need help removing her.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
