shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize