he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
