physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
