I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
