STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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