Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
